The phrase "forgive and forget" represents a sentiment more than an actual helpful piece of advice.
We don't believe forgiveness heals or amends wrongdoing.
It's impossible to truly forget a wrong that has been committed against you.
It happened.
It happened to you, and you experienced how hurtful it was.
That is something that is impossible to erase from your memory.
Nor would it be realistic to expect you to forget that the wrong happened after the harm that you've suffered.
Of course we aren’t talking about misunderstandings or mistakes that are made, those things should be forgiven, we grow and learn from those experiences.
When it comes to serious hurts, to heal and truly forgive is incredibly difficult and has no timeline.
So, forgetting has nothing to do with real forgiveness.
Pretending to forgive actually makes it worse.
Pretending the wrongdoing never happened doesn't make the effects of it go away.
While it might be easier in the moment to ignore the wrongdoing and act as if nothing has happened, the emotional effects of the wrongdoing are still there.
Once the person who was wronged is ready to acknowledge and accept the hurt, the healing process can begin.
We aren’t suggesting forgiveness isn’t possible, but it isn’t as simple as some believe it is.
There is a process we need to go through before the healing and any forgiveness can begin, it’s the grieving process.
