Saying “NO”

How hard can it be? 

It's only a two letter word, yet it is so uncomfortable for some people.

The word is NO and it seems so difficult to say, but it's really important to learn, if you want self respect and freedom.

Saying no is a basic human right.

People seem to wait until it's too late to avoid the discomfort of saying no.

If you make yourself clear ahead of time, letting it be known for instance, you don't go out weeknights, you aren't available to baby sit on weekends, you don't loan money...etc...there won't be as many situations to make you feel stressed, guilty or fearful. 

The other issue that we see, is this unnecessary need to explain yourself.

Instead of just saying a definite "No,"people try to explain the "No" and that just makes everything worse.

When you are busy explaining yourself, you personify uneasiness and you look like you're desperate, looking for any nod of approval, rambling on with unnecessary half apologies.

Saying "No" means sometimes people are going to be disappointed and upset with you. 

Honestly, that’s their problem.

But it’s ok, allow them the right to be upset and allow yourself the right to say no, instead of making promises you don't really want to make.

All this saying “no” business may be uncomfortable and you may even feel guilty, perhaps that's why people give in as soon as they feel uncomfortable guilt.

Allowing the uncomfortable to weaken you sends unsteady and unstable messages to everyone, including yourself.   

So, feel the guilt, be uncomfortable, experience it. 

You'll discover that the more you do it the easier it gets, and when you do say yes, the yes carries a lot more meaning.

Suggestions for Saying No.

Be direct, “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.”

Don’t apologize or feel you need to explain yourself.

Don’t lie. Lying will make you feel guilty—and you don't want to feel guilty.

Remember that it is better to say no now than to resent it later.

Have good manners,“Thanks for asking.”

Don’t tell people “You'll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. 

Remember that your self-worth does not depend on others.

We don't have to be all things to all people.

So, there it is.

If you are struggling with this issue, hope this post was helpful.

Besides, saying “NO” is a great protection spell.

Thoughts on saying NO

It's OK To Say No

Just some thoughts on SAYING NO...

Learning to say No

How hard can it be? It's only a two letter word, yet it terrifies some people.

The word is NO and it seems so difficult to say, but it's really important to learn, if you want freedom.

We discussed this topic at our kitchen round table recently and thought we would share our thoughts with you.

People seem to wait until it's too late to avoid the discomfort of saying no.

If you make yourself clear ahead of time, letting it be known for instance, you don't go out weeknights, you aren't available to baby sit on weekends, you don't loan money...etc...there won't be as many situations to make you feel stressed, guilty or fearful. 

The other issue that we see, is the compulsion to explain oneself.

Instead of just saying a definite "No,"people try to explain the "No" and that just makes everything worse.

When you are busy explaining yourself, you personify uneasiness and you look like you're desperate, looking for any nod of approval, 

rambling on with unnecessary half apologies.

A friend of ours recently asked us how to get out of a baby shower she didn't want to go to.

"Just tell her you won't be able to make it," we said.

"But what if she asks why?" 

We said, "thank her for inviting you, but tell her again, you won't be able to make it. You don't need to explain yourself."

At the point our friend looked horrified. "She's really going to be upset with me."

We asked, "are you looking for an approval from her, to make it easier for you?"

She paused, then said, "maybe."

Saying "No" means sometimes people are going to be disappointed in you. Sorry, but that’s their problem, so, alow them the right to be upset and allow yourself the right to say no, instead of making promises you don't really want to make.

It may be unnerving to be on your own side, you may even feel guilty, perhaps that's why people give in as soon as they feel uncomfortable, riddled with guilt.

Becoming weak sends unsteady and unstable messages to everyone, including yourself.   

So, feel the guilt, be uncomfortable, experience it. 

You'll discover that the more you do it the easier it gets, and when you do say yes, the yes carries a lot more meaning.

Suggestions for Saying No.

Be direct, “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.”

Don’t apologize and explain yourself.

Don’t lie. Lying will make you feel guilty—and you don't want to feel guilty.

Remember that it is better to say no now than to resent it later.

Have good manners,“Thanks for asking.”

Don’t tell people “You'll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. 

Remember that your self-worth does not depend on others.

We don't have to be all things to all people.

So, there it is, that's what we talked about.

If you are struggling with this issue, hope this post was helpful.

And oh yes, our friend was respectful when she announced she wouldn't be going to the baby shower. 

The best part, she felt empowered and better about herself, we're proud of her.